Sassy Butterfly

I felt an urgent need for God last Sunday, April 29. It was a typical Sunday, with a typical routine run down all day with the kids and Julio, and life in general. I did manage to get a (very needed, ehem) pedicure in the afternoon, which was definitely not part of the daily routine and very past due.

I made it to Mass all alone – Julio wasn’t feeling too well – but a heavy heart accompanied me. All we’ve been through, all that lied ahead, all the unknowns. Monday April 30th Julio was having a chest CT in reference to the bronchoscopy with stent removal planned for Tuesday May 1st. It’s a big week, not only because we’re contemplating getting rid of this horrendous cough he’s had that’s been worsening by the day and is making living and sleeping so hard, but also because we will see if Sutent has been working or not. I could puke just thinking about the implications of a negative diagnosis of further cancer progression. Fear and anxiety can be quite a heavy burden to carry, and I hoped for a release of it all. I prayed for peace and grace from God.

And I got it. Amen!

I was so moved by everything in Mass, and it made so much sense on so many levels. It was the the Fourth Sunday of Easter, called Good Shepherd Sunday - something I didn’t even know about (but I probably should have as a practicing Catholic). The entire hour I sat praying, embracing God and His word in all the beautiful and SO appropriately fitting scriptures and hymns, as if they were all intended for me. I was convinced God knew all the heaviness in my heart, and that I sought Him out because I needed Him. I felt, as if singled out among the crowd, God was sending me a message. He spoke to me about several things which are unrelated to each other, yet in a way form part of a bigger puzzle, if that makes any sense. He also spoke to me about the foreseeable path that He laid before me, but which I was yet to walk forward on. I only got the first part of His message, and this I write below. The other part I’d get later in the week, and you can read about it here.

What I did get at the time, gave me much relief and comfort. Good Shepherd Sunday was a blessing in everything it was and all it conveyed. God spoke to me. I was meant to be there, it was the right place and the right time. He spoke of a message he’s sent me time and again, but I’ve been somewhat reluctant to fully, truthfully listen to and embrace. But who am I lying to? More than calling me off on it, he gently reminded me once again the path He has chosen for me. He keeps trying to guide me, gently, once again. I understand it, and it’s humbling.

The readings (at the end of this post) were so fitting, and the message God provided us really filled me with His love, and comforted me. They offered me relief in knowing – as I was reminded – the Lord is our Good Shepherd, and like a good shepherd He loves and takes care of each and everyone of us; He provides for us and comes to our rescue when we need Him; He will lay down his life for any one, and all of us.

Once again, I gave Him all of my fears and sorrows, and He in return took much of the burden off my heart, filling me with hope, encouragement, love and faith. I still carried much of it on my shoulders, because I still have to continue to bend myself over backwards and try to be the wife, mother, daughter, homemaker, caretaker, problem solver, chofer – yes, super woman – I have to be to everyone who depends on me and to keep life running and moving forward. After all, the world never stops, no matter how many horrendous or catastrophic things happen, life goes on, we all have to keep going.

Furthermore, this Sunday the message itself served as a reminder to always be attentive to the message(s) God sends us at any given moment. Messages which may often be missed or bypassed because we aren’t attentive enough, because we don’t have our hearts truly open to His word, perhaps. Sometimes, we actively choose to go against the grain in situations, we take the high road. As opposed to choosing to do what we should do, which God has made so obvious, we choose to do what we’d rather do. It’s our own human nature, our repressions, our sinfulness, which impede us to choose to do what “likely” we know is the one and only choice. What God wants us to do. Sometimes we sincerely miss or oversee His message, but other times we sin in choosing to act blind and choosing the wrongful path. There are many paths, but only one rightful one which leads us to God.

He knows when we oversee His message and the truth, and as the understanding and loving God He is, He gives us many chances. I know that, first hand.

Yet, he also knows when we close our eyes and look the other way. There’s no fooling Him. He knows what we’re thinking, He sees what we see, and what we see is always the truth. And God is truth. He is no shade of gray and  He is not a  mocked up version of anything. In acting blind, we intentionally choose what is not true. We choose a mock up of what we want to be true, and through this we don’t choose God, intentionally.  We should always want that which God wants, and He has told us what He wants through scripture and also the messages he sends us individually daily…through people and situations in our life.

This message is so powerful, beautiful, simple, and true.

God wants us to listen to His message(s), and live by His truth. Be the rightful version of yourself, and choose the path God wants you to choose, even if it’s not what you wanted in the first place. He wants what is best for you; He will lead you to Him.    

~~~ Fourth Sunday of Easter, April 29, 2012, Readings ~~~

Tagged as: faith, God, scripture, The Word of God, Words of Wisdom

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